life unfolds as is, in every moment

5 years ago seems so long ago, but the picture may say otherwise. It’s funny as I think about when this was taken, I had a similar attitude towards life than I do today. But I don’t think I understood it back then the way I do now. It’s been so long since I looked back. Back then, I thought that life was unfolding, and that I had no idea what would come of it. And back then, it was exciting..i felt young.

Today? Life is indeed unfolding, and I still have no idea what to expect. But it’s hard to face the unexpected when time is passing by, and you’re five years down the line still trying to feel your way through things. You’d think that 5 years would offer some kind of wisdom. But no. The complete opposite. I probably know less now than I did back then. I am also less excited. The thought of not knowing where I’ll be in the next five years scares the crap out of me.

There was a time when I was lost in my own skin. And it was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to go through, but it was the best thing i’ve ever had to experience. I guess once you break that way, anything after that feels manageable. Though, it doesn’t always feel like that in the moment…the morning is usually better. And I guess that’s what five years has done to me so far.

But the sun rises, doesn’t it? The song keeps playing, and eventually it’s OK again. But it is a wonder how people can keep falling in and bounce back. Isn’t there a way to experience life without all of that? As the days go by, I am starting to think that maybe life has a different plan for me. Maybe the white picket fence and nice baby and husband story isn’t my own. And am I OK with that?  I think I could be. Just as long as I knew I was loved…

And maybe the wonder that keeps the stars apart. I heart e.e.cummings, yes I do!